From Susie&Otto Collins' newsletter

This Week's Article:

"How Fun and Laughter Can Help Your Relationships"by Susie and Otto Collins

We agree with Cynthia.

Cynthia is one of our newsletter subscribers and she suggested that the power of laughter, fun and having a humorous attitude is a great way to keep relationships growing, alive and connected and we totally agree with her.

Norman Cousins, in his books "Anatomy of an Illness" and "Head First," proved that laughter creates endorphins within the body that actually helps promote healing when physical illness is present. Cousins cured his cancer by watching funny movies, reading jokes, books, and listening to tapes of comedy performances. Laughter truly was his medicine.

A few years ago, Robin Williams starred in a film about a physician in West Virginia named Patch Adams who used humor as part of his "bed side manner" to help ease the pain of children who had been diagnosed as terminally ill.
So the point is--if laughter can heal sick people and ease their pain, imagine what it can do for your relationships.

In our relationship, we've found that laughter is a great way for us to connect.
We've been taking a few days off vacationing with friends at Folly Island beach and we've had a great time watching the dogs romp and play on the beach. We were awed by the black lab who caught the frisbee perfectedly each time her owner threw it.

As we walked along the water's edge, we laughed as we watched other dogs run and play in the cold, ocean waves. They were having so much fun that we found ourselves having an equally good time watching them.
You don't have to go to the beach to enjoy the connection of fun and laughter.
Here are some suggestions for bringing more fun and laughter into your life:

1. If you're in a relationship with someone, do something together that would be fun for both of you. If you are single, find a friend or just do something that you haven't done in a long time that used to bring you laughter and joy. It might even be something new that you try.

Rent a funny movie, watch and play with little kids or play catch with a dog.
It doesn't have to be something that's planned and is sometimes best when the experience is spontaneous. Our walk on the beach was a spontaneous experience for us,as well as the unexpectant fun of watching the dogs running and playing.

2. Laugh at yourself when you find that you are taking yourself too seriously. We do this when we see that we've fallen into old patterns that haven't served us and we can look at ourselves from a vantage point outside of ourselves. Laughter can really break through disconnection if it's not done at another's expense.

Here's a great idea for reframing a situation when there's been disconnection between two people. In challenging situations,people are fond of saying "Someday we'll look back on this and laugh." We suggest that instead of waiting until later to look at the situation and laugh, why don't we laugh now and create a closer connection.

That certainly doesn't mean abdicating responsibility or making fun of another person.

Otto remembered something that happened a few years ago that beautifully illustrates this idea...

He and his son stopped at a restaurant to eat while on their way to his son's basketball game. As Otto got out of his car, he realized that he had just locked his keys inside. Ordinarily this would have been one of those tense times when he might say that it's not funny now but we'll look on it later and laugh about it.
Otto chose not to get upset about it and instead enjoyed his lunch with his son while waiting for help to arrive to unlock the car unlocked. What Otto and his son did was laugh about the situation by telling other stories about locked keys in cars to break the tension of the prospect that they might be late for the game. They weren't late for the game and they ended up having a great time that day together.

So what we suggest is to take every opportunity to have fun and laugh this week.

We hope that you use this article as a reminder to open to havingmore fun and laughter in your life to help keep your relationships alive and growing now and always.

(If You'd Like To join this newsletter list-- send an e-mailto:collins@aweber.com , with "I want on yourrelationship newsletter list" in the subject headingand you'll be automatically added to the list.)

!!! Message from my friend Karim!!!!

This is serendipity: I just got this message in my inbox: (I took part of it out for you, the message itself is bigger)

How do you see the people around you?

How do you view your friends,family, colleagues, associates, strangers, sales people, etc?

Do you see some of them as positive influences and others as negative influences? Do you think some of them are a pain, annoy you, are difficult, frustrate you or out to get you? Or do you see them as friendly, warm, caring, affectionate, loving, understanding, positive people.How you see people is what you bring out of them. For example if you see a sales person as annoying you're going to always find and attract annoying sales people. If you see a family member as a pain, your always going to bring out the side in that person that is a pain towards you. If you see your colleagues as jealous, competitive or vindictive then you're always going to bring out those qualities in them because that's what you see in them and that is what you believe is their character. What you believe is what you get. Now I know some of you are going to say: "Karim, these people are that way - I'm not making this stuff up. They really are nasty." Sure they are, and you keep bringing out the worst in them by focusing only on seeing the dark side of their character. Everybody around you has some redeeming qualities: look at those positive qualities within in them and you'll get them to display those qualities more often. Next - ask yourself: "Is that really the way they are?" Challenge your perception and see if you can choose to see things differently. Chances are when you look really closely most people are not as mean and unkind as you think they are. They probably think that they're being very nice but since you only see the negative qualities in them, anything they do will be deemed negative. Once you've perceived them to be a certain way there's nothing that they can do to change your mind. The only way you will truly see the good in the other person is to focus on and see their good qualities then you'll actually see them displaying these qualities more often. Look for the good in someone and you will only attract good things to you. Change the way you see people. Change the way you see life. Begin to believe that good things can happen and you begin to use the Power Of Perception. Get started today - visit: http://www.creatingpower.com/news.htm

mail

Funny, how things can suddenly happen and make you wonder... I got an e-mail yesterday of c kamwoman (LOL), copying part of my website and with subject line "BULLSHIT". I decided not to react.. Today I got two more mails, one the same subject, apparently it's very necessary that I react!

This little happening reminded me of a much more general question I often encounter: If somebody tries to get you into a fight or an argument, how do you react? On www.bonusfamilies.com I found some interesting articles, and there is even a new book about "Divorce Poison": How to cope with uncooperative exes.

I think it's much wider than that. Often people try to change us, or to convince us of their way of seeing reality, and it's our choice how to react. We can get upset or angry, or even feel threatened, we can also choose to stay centered (see my little e-book) and stay within ourselves.

I think it's really important to make a difference between the action of the other person and out own reaction to it. Mostly our reactions are based on past experiences, and that is not the realtiy of this moment. When we manage to sort out the different emotions, we end up with a clear view of reality in the now. We then can decide if someone is really invading our space, or if actually most of the irritation has to do with our own past.

An exercise I often do myself is Byron Katie's The Work. It really helps. You can get a free copy of her little book at www.thework.com, I highly recommend it. Shame, but my conclusions of today's session are way too embarrassing to share :-)))

Anyway, I decided to send an e-mail back saying ":-)", so we'll see. I think that kids often are much more creative than we, and probably it is a way for one of them to vent their thoughts whilst still feeling safe and protected. Even though I consider myself to be very open and accessible, apparently this particular one needs a bit cover... I'll keep you posted!

THE e-mail

Yesterday I got an e-mail of a troubled mom; she met this wonderful man whom she wants to marry, and her little 6 year old girl is giving trouble, whilst her 8 year old boy is so happy with the new 'bonus-daddy'.

It's quite a puzzle sometimes to sort out what goes on in our children's minds, and I can only think that they often mirror and show the unspoken emotions which float around. Children, and probably especially children from troubled families, are so good in reading between the lines!

A trick I'm using myself since a couple of weeks is the rubber band around my wrist: everytime I have a negative or destructive thought, i snap it. It's funny how the physical sensation makes our subconscious mind learn very fast, but it was shocking to see how many negatiove thoughts I still have (and I have een working on that for years now!!). I love Wayne Dyers' definition of destructive thoughts (or behavior): Everything which brings us further away form our mission, our goals in life, or from God, is negative. Every thought or behavior that brings us nearer is positive. Very clearcut! Negative emotions often start with one little negative thought, which leads to a whole bunch of negative thoughts, which leads to feeling rotten and depressed.

Although I consider myself a cheery and optimistic person, you would be surprised to see how many little tiny negative thoughts creep in during a day. So that's my challenge for the near future: becoming more aware of my own role ; of my own communication between the lines!

And about yesterday's plan: I started making my DreamSheet (the idea comes from the Passiontest (Go to passiontest website), great book to help you jump on the right wave. Funny how I start having ideas about how my life should look like, say 5 years from now. And really funny how you suddenly are obliged to think into details if you actually have to find pictures to match your dreamlife!

sense of humor

Got feedback on yesterday's post... Seems that my sense of humor is not really compatible with my environment! Maybe I'll even have to change that aspect of my own little personality a bit, or at least... not take the (just a tad adolescent) stance that provoking is kind of funny.

OK, so there we go: Charlotte is going to grow up...

I have to admit that it's not always easy to walk your talk; especially when you think that things are utterly unfair for your beloved one; that is even worse than if things were unfair for me. But, as Dr.Phil states it: "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" So there goes the ego, out of the window---!

Step one: make a clear picture of how you want your future to look like. (In any case with Bill and the kids, and specifically in a nice and friendly atmosphere with all adults involved, so that the kids grow up in a safe and warm environment)

Step two: eliminate non-productive thoughts

Step three: visualise your future, use affirmations.. and action

Shall I start deciding on the details of my future tomorrow??

There we are...

Great day to start my blog on blended families.. Not a lot to blend at the mo. Bill is in Croatia (some 3000 km away...), Josephine is at school... Anyway, sun is shining, I've got a litter of puppies (Yorkshire Terrier) making noise; Tim, my old guarddog is standing outside the door asking for a cuddle.

Yesterday I re-found www.bonusfamilies.com, lovely website. I have some trouble with some people in the family, and reading the articles, I had to admit that it's solely my responsability to shift the atmosphere.. big sigh. The first one to realise that things are NOT for the best of the kids, has the responsability to start making changes. Yesterday night Bill phoned on his cellphone, and I couldn't help telling him my new discovery... :-)

I now will have to write something sensible and sensitive (not always my strongest point - this is an understatement;-)). I'll try anyway and keep you posted!